Kayak Asshole

This is pretty hilarious. Enjoy! Thanks to the Kayak Yak blog for sharing! http://kayakyak.blogspot.ca/2014/08/kayak-asshole.html

Hey, I Re-Invented Something...

This one's for Rod, who comes up with something genius at least once a trip. And, unfortunately we have to let him know it's already been done.

http://dilbert.com/strips/comic/2013-10-12/

Quick Release

Painting

The service station trade was slow.

The owner sat around,

With sharpened knife and cedar stick.

Piled shavings on the ground.

No modern facilities had they,

The log across the rill

Led to a shack, marked His and Hers

That sat against the hill.

"Where is the ladies restroom, sir?"

The owner leaning back,

Said not a word but whittled on,

And nodded toward the shack.

With quickened step she entered there

But only stayed a minute,

Until she screamed, just like a snake

Or spider might be in it.

With startled look and beet red face

She bounded through the door,

And headed quickly for the car.

Just like three gals before.

She tripped and fell -- got up,

and then In obvious disgust,

Ran to the car, stepped on the gas,

And faded in the dust.

Of course we all desired to know

What made the gals all do

The things they did, and then we found

The whittling owner knew.

A speaking system he'd devised

To make the thing complete,

He tied a speaker on the wall

Beneath the toilet seat.

He'd wait until the gals got set

And then the devilish guy,

Would stop his whittling long enough,

To speak into the mike.

And as she sat, a voice below

Struck terror, fright and fear

"Will you please use the other hole,

We're painting under here"

The Fishing Bet

This is a great video about some friendly competition between father and son on a fishing trip. As a group of fathers, Northstar Expeditions approves!



www.loonislandoutdoors.com

Scarred For Life

(I suspect her dropping her paddle didn't make a lick of difference.)

Friends

in Cahoots

I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.

I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.

I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.

One of my favourite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the heart.

And, sometimes, I think I am in Vincible, but life shows me I am not!

I have, however, been in Deepshit many times; the older I get, the easier it is to get there

Thanks to the folks at MyCCR.com for the jokes.

Compensating for anything?

Note that none of the members of Northstar Expeditions rides a Harley.

On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together. One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help! Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. 

Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor. Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley. Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.  

Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him. After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse!  

Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned. The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies, Best Pals.  

A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life! The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle. Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thingy and he would then lift him out of the pit. 

The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.
The moral of the story? (yep, you betcha, there is a moral!)

'When You're Hung Like A Horse, You Don't Need A Harley To Pick Up Chicks'

We're No Experts But.....

NSE makes no claims on whitewater expertise, but in our opinion, these guys suck. This might be the best bad kayaking video that I've ever seen.

Front Independent Suspension

Motorbike Canoeing

Here's an idea in case NSE decides to go solo:

Epic Rafting

Some kindred spirits from the next province over...

The Soggy Bottom Boys

This is why NSE doesn't sing in the canoe!



What a great finish!

Running a "rapid" the chaotic way

Not sure what to say about this; NSE has no comment...

New NSE Canoe

I saw this over on Murat's paddle making blog. It might give us some inspiration for a new fleet of NSE canoes. Of course we couldn't limit ourselves to Budweiser. We'd have to include Guinness, Great West, Sleemans, Heineken, Boddingtons, Harp, Blue, and pretty much anything else that we can find locally in a can that freezes well.

Trip On Ice?

This might give some (bad) ideas for a future trip....

Plenty of Wire

An engineer, a psychologist, and a theologian were canoeing in the wilderness of northern Canada. Suddenly, the temperature dropped and a furious snowstorm was upon them. They came across an isolated cabin, far removed from any town. The canoeists had heard that the locals in the area were quite hospitable, so they  knocked on the door to ask permission to rest.

No one answered their knocks, but they discovered the cabin was unlocked and they entered. It was a simple place... 2 rooms with a minimum of furniture and household equipment. Nothing was unusual about the cabin except the stove. It was large, pot-bellied, and made of cast-iron. What was strange about it was its  location... it was suspended in mid-air by wires attached to the ceiling beams.

"Fascinating," said the psychologist. "It is obvious that this lonely trapper, isolated from humanity, has elevated this stove so that he can curl up under it and vicariously experience a return to the womb."

"Nonsense!" replied the engineer. "The man is practicing the laws of thermodynamics. By elevating his stove, he has discovered a way to distribute heat more evenly throughout the cabin."

"With all due respect," interrupted the theologian, "I'm sure that hanging his stove from the ceiling has religious meaning. Fire LIFTED UP has been a religious symbol for centuries."

The three debated the point for several hours without resolving the issue. When the trapper finally returned, they immediately asked him why he had hung his heavy pot-bellied stove from the ceiling.

His answer was succinct...

"Had plenty of wire, not much stove pipe."

Thievery

Jay and Rod are at camp. Jay turns to Rod and says "Rod, look up there and tell me what that means". Rod says "Horologically, it means it's about 2 am, theologically, it shows how puny we are and astrologically, I'd say the sun is in Leo." Jay says "Rod, you dolt! It means that someone has stolen our tent!

Sucking at Paddling

NSE might consider trying out for this team, we're pretty sure we can make the cut...