6 Minute Management Course

We are off on our annual canoe trip right now so here is some humour to bide the time until we return and post the 2010 trip report!


Lesson 1:
Jay is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Jay's friend Rod,.
Before she says a word, Rod says, 'I'll give you $370 to drop that towel. After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Rod, after a few seconds, Rod hands her $370 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, Jay asks, 'Who was that?’ 'It was Rod,' she replies. 'Great,' Jay says, 'did he say anything about the $370 he owes me?

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest removed his hand but, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity

Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.. The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'

Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4:
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey,
'but I haven't got the energy.' 'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull.
They're packed with nutrients. The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough
strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Lesson 6:
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung,
and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who dumps on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of doo doo is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep doo doo, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

In the Mood

Here's a video to help get us in the mood for this year's rendition of the 2010 NSE Canoe Trip.



The video shows Le Roux Craven running a rapid on the Nahanni River. Le Roux is in the Canadian leg of his round-the world trip which included fishing in BC, paddling the Nahanni, and more recently, paddling in Northern Saskatchewan including the Churchill River (where half of NSE will be by Thursday evening). I just had contact from Le Roux and he was sitting in a cafe in La Ronge, Saskatchewan. By tomorrow (Wednesday) he'll be in Saskatoon & we'll hopefully be able to share a pint of beer or two, and he can tell me of his adventures.

Getting Ready To Fly

The NSE 2010 trip is fast approaching and we are busy finalizing plans, going over equipment lists, planning the food, ensuring our gear is in good repair and even practicing our whitewater moves. We'll publish the details soon but our plan is to fly in a twin otter upriver on the Churchill River about 120 km then spend the next 7 days paddling through a series of lakes and rapids back to Missinipe. By the time this is published, hopefully Jay has talked to the air charter service and nailed down our landing spot (they can't land the float plane just anywhere), but we are looking to land either on Sandfly Lake (above Needle Rapids and Needle Falls), or Kinosaskaw Lake (below those same waterfalls). Something in that vicinity should provide us ample time to paddle back to Missinipe and afford us some time to fish, play in whitewater, and relax.

12 Inch Bic

Rod & Rob were golfing when Rod pulled out a cigar.

He didn't have a lighter, so he asked Rob if he had one.

"I sure do," he replied while he reached into his golf bag and pulled out a 12 inch Bic lighter.

"Wow!" said Rod, "Where did you get that monster lighter?"

"I got it from my genie."

"You have a genie?"

"Yes, right here in my golf bag."

"Could I see him?"

He opens his golf bag and out pops a genie.

Rod asks the genie, "Since I'm a good friend of your master, will you grant me one wish?"

"Yes I will'" the genie replies.

Rod asks the genie for a million bucks.

The genie hops back into the golf bag and leaves him standing there, waiting for his million bucks.

Suddenly, the sky begins to darken and the sound of a million ducks flying overhead is heard.

Rod tells Rob, "I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!"

He answers, "I forgot to tell you that the genie is hard of hearing!"

"Do you really think I asked him for a 12 inch Bic?"

Little Jay

Little Jay wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot girl at school.... but she was dating someone else. One day little Jay got so frustrated that he went to her and said, "I'll give you a $50 if you let me have sex with you."

The girl looked at him, then said, "NO!"

Little Jay said, "I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll finish by the time you've picked it up."

She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her boyfriend. So she called him and explained the situation. Her boyfriend says,"Ask him for $100, then pick up the money really fast. He won't even be able to get his pants down."

So she agreed and accepted little Jay's proposal.

Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is still waiting for his girlfriend's call. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks what happened....

Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, "The bastard had all quarters!"

Club Sask

We came across this site recently and thoroughly enjoyed the content. The humour at ClubSask.com is largely tongue-in cheek and, like this blog, I would suggest that you not take anything there too seriously. To quote from Scott Jacques, the creator of  the web site "I've had a few complaints over the years, (my philosophy - if you can't laugh at yourself, then you're not a true Saskatchewanian) but I think most people can appreciate the humour and don't mind a little fun being poked at them. Mind you, things get touchy when it comes to the Riders!"

In addition to some of the jokes, we really like the t-shirts and are considering ordering a set for the NSE wives.

Club Sask Official T-Shirt.

Club Sask

Canoe Routes For The Drunk And On Drugs

Here is a different sort of trip reporting...

http://www.drunkandondrugscanoeroutes.ca/

Northstar Expeditions Meets Kingston Kayak Instruction

The following was previously posted on Bryan's Blog and describes a course we took in June of 2008.

NorthStar Expeditions is the official name for a group of 4 guys (including myself) that I canoe trip with every year. This spring, as a Father's Day gift, our wives signed us up for kayak lessons through Viki at Kingston Kayak Instruction. Some of our group had a bit of experience but mostly we're fairly novice paddlers when it comes to kayaks so we signed up for the Flatwater Skills course. The course included a session discussing various aspects of boats and paddling, a pool session, and most of last Saturday was spent on the water at Pike Lake. Getting the opportunity to practice rescues in a pool was a great way to get comfortable in the water where tipping over in the kayak becomes play. The highlight of the pool session was jumping off of the 5 meter platform - that's a long way down and a lot of time spent falling to think about regrets. Jay jumped off of the 7 meter platform and he said it was a big step up from 5 m. Thankfully, the 10 m platform was closed.

Saturday at Pike Lake the day started off pretty nice with warm and sunny skies, but eventually thunderstorms and rain rolled in (as previously posted). The rain really didn't matter too much since we were spending the afternoon largely in the water anyway. A bit warmer might have been nice but it was OK. My outfit for the afternoon while we were wet and practicing rescue techniques was a "shorty" wet suit, a polyester t-shirt, cycling sleeves (arm warmers), PFD, paddling gloves, with my light cycling jacket thrown over top of everything (I didn't realise how odd the jacket over everything made me look until I saw the pictures later - think red beach ball with a head on top). I tried goggles for about 30 seconds but they immediately filled with water.

After getting pretty confident with our "eskimo rescues" (aka T-rescue) I decided it was time for an impromptu test. While paddling fast alongside Jay, I called over to him and asked "Jay, are you paying attention?" He looked over and said "yeah" or perhaps it was "nah" or maybe "huh?" I promptly flipped over (while still under steam) and began banging on my kayak hull, the signal that I need assistance. My thought was that Jay would just paddle right over and present his bow for me to grab onto allowing me to right myself without leaving the cockpit of the kayak. Only problem is that Jay was paddling fast in the slowest turning kayak in the group. By the time he even realised what was going on, I was under water, banging on my boat and moving my hands back and forth waiting for the sudden appearance of his bow in my hand. Everything also seems to go a little slower while your are hanging upside down under water. I quickly ran out of breath and had to wet exit. By the time I came up in the water alongside my kayak, Jay was rounding the turn in his kayak and just about on his way over to me. Well I guess it ended up being a good practice of assisted re-entry techniques.

At the end of the class our families found us and took some photos. Unfortunately the batteries on our camera were dying so the videos that my wife took didn't turn out.

In the photo below the class is grouped around Viki who is wrapping things up.
Viki and the others head back while the 4 guys paddle over to the families.
NorthStar Expeditions

Using the water pumps to spray the kids.

Coming Home

Jay's hobby was fishing. He spent all his weekends near the river or by the lake, paying no attention to weather. One Sunday, early in the morning, he went to the river as usual. It was cold and raining, so he decided to return back to his house. Jay went inside and headed to his bedroom, undressed and lay near his wife. The lights were off and he snuggled up behind her. She didn't even turn around. "What terrible weather today, Honey," he said to her. "Yes, she answered. "And my idiot husband went fishing."

2010 Plans?

As previously mentioned on the NSE blog, 2010 is a big year for Northstar Expeditions. It's our tenth year of paddling together so we want to do something a bit bigger than we had in the past. We are thinking a bit longer, and a bit farther afield, than our usual 4 day trips. And unlike our infamous April Fools Trip, this one is bounded by the realities of time, money, and practicality. However, this year we might even fly!

So, we are looking for suggestions. Here are the criteria and considerations:

1. 5-7 days.
2. If a flight is involved, it's gotta be a cheap one.
3. We're 4 generally fit guys, but we're not super ambitious and we are not used to packing light (relates to point 7).
4. Fish, the more the merrier.
5. Starting within 600 km of Saskatoon (Missinipe, 460km away, is our usual launching point).
6. Some whitewater (to play in and fish below) would be good (Class II+).
7. Major nasty portages would not be good.
8. We're OK with a layover day or two (relates to points 3 & 4).
9. We'll be paddling in September so there must still be water in the river.
10. Paddling on the shield is preferred. 
11. Trip costs should be kept moderately low (we know, that's a relative thing).
12. No international borders should intentionally be crossed. 
13. We usually travel with only one vehicle so if a shuttle is required we probably would be hiring it.

Some ideas we have had in mind so far are the Paull River back to Missinipe (fly-in), Needle Falls or Black Bear Island Lake on the Churchill River back to Missinipe (fly-in), Nemeiban to Churchill River and back to Missinipe (drive-in), Sturgeon-Weir (drive-in with long shuttle), ...

Here is the Government of Saskatchewan Documented Canoe Routes page which is a very handy resource for trip planning in this region (Jay has a complete set of print copies which date back about 30 years). We also have a copy of the book Northern Saskatchewan Canoe Trips, A Guide to 15 Wilderness Rivers by Laurel Archer so will be browsing through that resource too.

If you have any good ideas or want to cast your vote for a route we would love to hear from you!

I Think Jay Likes It!

A while ago, back when the weather was nice and the rain less constant, half of the NSE crew enjoyed some pulled pork and a "bacon explosion" from the smoker. I wrote about it in my regular blog and you can find it with pictures at http://pawistik.blogspot.com/2010/04/pulled-pork.html.

Swimming

"I thought I told you to keep an eye on Jay", Sheri said to Rod. "Where is he?" "Well," Rod replied thoughtfully, "if Jay knows as much about canoeing as he thinks he does, he's out canoeing. If he knows as little as I think he does, he's out swimming."